My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
