You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
