I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
