You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
