I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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