Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Randomize
