I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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