I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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