I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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