I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The power of my boobs compel you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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