what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
