guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
