Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
