girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
