Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
