So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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