Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
