arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
