She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
