I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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