I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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