Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
