I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
