I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
