okay pat passed out under dana's car
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
