Do you still have your period?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
