Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
