Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
