I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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