All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
