I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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