i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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