Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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