Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
