Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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