you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
