Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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