the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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