how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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