Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
