i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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