Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
