so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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