Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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