I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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