Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
