I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
