i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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