did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
