Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
