i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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