if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
