Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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