You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My pussy is not your playground.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
