i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
