Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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