Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
