Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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