Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
