at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
