we have officially lost it.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
