Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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