dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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