where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
