we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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