I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
