I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
