Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
