I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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