is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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