I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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