dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
