Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
